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The suicide fantasies of raisa Watkiss

What's done can never be undone

The subject/viewer is confronting mental illness. Nostalgia as something to hold or destroy is a method of communication; it’s not necessarily the concept. It’s a discussion about a vehicle through which a dialogue is Opened. Some may think it will trigger thoughts of memory loss and mental health; others may see it as social change. But the disquieting mind and the struggle are there to see. With the erosion of nostalgia and the cluttered mind searching for relevance, an answer even is engagement and seeking attention to start such dialogues is essential. My struggle with lucidity was brought upon by crippling mental anxiety is represented by the work, chaotic and often void of the physical. My nostalgic enterprise should not be confused with reminiscence as in the good old days, but an exploration into the dark mind of the distressed. My loss of lucidity and conscious self-awareness is mirrored by the demons that occupy the mind, The intrusive thoughts that dictate actions and outcomes  It's taken some time but were nearly there, days, weeks, and years passed the moments remain, firing neurons of euphoric encounters in dreams, in lucid moments when the narrative vertebrates the mind. Two episodes in time in space reminded me that the job done will remain undone unless I suppose that is the conundrum of the paradoxical nature of the demise. Executing the plan, if there is a plan, that emanates within the ethereal is this. To convey a narrative of the self in harm in suicidal bliss a series of films depicting five suicide fantasies and two relived, the paradox is evident. The materials used to convey agency are five lengths of red cloth (polycotton ) each length is determined by the act, the version being presented today is the first film-suicide by drowning, which was filmed on Skegness beach, its tripartite is thus ( moment of contemplation, the arrival to the act, the act). The material is 20 metres in length, and 1.5 metres wide, the edges stitched and one end has two holes which have been stitched these are to house the two wooden poles which were used to ground the work on the beach, the poles were sanded and treated with Linseed oil to develop the grain. For a moment lets me accept this as truth and conjecture methods of visualisation, with this in mind these five documentarian films ( Suicide by Drowning, Suicide by Jumping, Suicide by Cutting, Suicide by Overdose, Suicide by Train) are my attempt to pronounce visually by fantasies and those suicide attempts I've previously attempted. Will these processes prove cathartic? Or demand a reflective agency. That will be the domain of the subject/viewer discourse

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